27378

176072

82621

316902

rnicrophone:

bombing:

cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

me: you said i got one phone call

image

(via g-iggle)

66167

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND

FLOOR IT?

NICK NO

HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND

NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN

I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

NICK P L E A S E

(via buttmeg)

247728

willtwerkforchickennuggets:

thelumpster:

never let me play a game with a customizable character, because i will spend the entire time making the character, instead of playing the actual game

image

(via radicalravenclaw)

332640

253004

juilan:

I watch porn for the storyline

65942

fivehundredrevolutions:

He knows what he’s done. But he’s in too deep to back out now.

151240

ereri-is-love-ereri-is-life:

thtwhitegurrl:

slutdust:

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?

Don’t tell them

(via youremycovergirl)